Reprogramming the Father into an Ally

By Ivy Integration

The father shapes the husband in his daughters psyche. Many women do not realize how the father imprints on the daughter’s relationships with men. Either we had a father for a short time because of death or absence or a father who is available and receptive to us, the father shapes the husband in a woman’s psyche. The father creates the first relationship dynamic between himself and his daughter. The father from 5-10 years of the daughter’s life designs her masculine identity. For boys, the mother from 0-5 years of age creates the feminine identity for boys. Mothers magnetize the feminine in boys and fathers magnetize the masculine in girls.

Children from 0-5 years of age are close to the feminine shape and from 5-10 years of age learn the father shape. The feminine shape is accepting, expressive, unique and heartfelt. The masculine shape is judgmental, outward learning, disciplined and the ego. As a young child most of our life is unconscious, meaning we spend a lot of time close to the mother in self-reflection, play, wonder and imagination. In school years our life is about developing the conscious mind through attention, study, character building and goals. Therefore, young years are learning the mother and school years are learning the father.

Daughters use the father archetype to create the image of the husband subconsciously. Therefore, the difficulties for women in relationships with men mirror the subconscious ideal from the father. Women relationship patterns with men can mirror the relationship dynamic their mother has with men. A daughter can have a generous, dependable and helpful father and another has an unavailable, passive aggressive and belittling father, both daughters in womanhood experience the imprint of the father in their relationships. For example, daughter 1 may have relationships with men who are endless givers and who have difficulty receiving. Daughter 1 wasn’t shown a give and take relationship dynamic and doesn’t know how to give to her male partner. Daughter 2 may have relationships with men who are bored and seeking passion to excitement them. Daughter 2 allows herself to be what he wants because in order to get the father’s attention in childhood she had to please him. The father and daughter relationship shows up in many ways. But, these are brief examples of how the father shows up on the positive and negative spectrum.

Reprogramming the father is bringing the fatherhood/husband archetype to neutral. Neutrality is taking the father and using self worth to plant a masculine image in the psyche that best supports the authenticity of the woman. Apart of creating the masculine image is learning the native masculinity of who we are. For example, I am more inclined to be assertive, go getter and a pioneer. I have a lot of enthusiasm. Therefore, my native masculinity is to be a leader. But, my father was not this. He was not creative or energetic. However, his imprint showed up in male partnerships that have a similar masculinity of the father.

The husband is not to be the native masculinity of the woman but a harmonization. Every woman has masculinity and every man has femininity. Relationship is relating to the polarity. Therefore, since I have powerhouse masculinity a husband image would be a man that is grounded to harmonize the robust firey energy my native masculinity is. A husband who relates to a woman’s masculinity, which is to be out in the world, secure with identity, in a harmonic way allows a woman to embrace her male partner more openly into her life. Woman is never fully comfortable or safe with a male partner until he has a relationship with the masculinity and what it needs to be protected. When a man cannot speak to the protection of the woman she never fully surrenders to his masculinity and her masculinity may compete with his because she doesn’t fully trust his masculinity to make her feel safe.

When a woman’s masculinity is provided for by her male partner she can unfold her feminine energy more boldly giving her male partner a deeper exploration of his own femininity. Men relate to a woman’s femininity. Men are soothed, encouraged and balanced by their own femininity given from the mother. A man’s femininity relates to a woman’s femininity but when a woman’s masculinity isn’t provided for she doesn’t fully give intimacy to a man. A man is looking for deeper intimacy with his femininity by connecting with a woman. A man’s femininity is self-expression, community encouragement, wisdom and compassion. A woman’s masculinity is outward identity, self-esteem, progress and security. A man’s masculinity speaks to a woman’s need to be protected and woman’s femininity speaks to a man’s need for intimacy. But, it starts with the daughter feeling protected that opens the mystic door to a man receiving deeper intimacy and a woman giving trust.

Protected and trustworthy are two words that best describe the father and daughter relationship. Insight and encouragement are the two words that best describe the mother and son relationship. A daughter goes to a father for protection and trustworthiness and a son goes to the mother for insight and encouragement. Women want a male partner who speaks to their masculinity. Reprogramming the father is creating protection and trustworthiness in the psyche. If we had a father who was overly protective or careless, very reliable or inconsistent shapes the needs for masculine harmonization. However, we don’t need a male partner to balance out protection and trustworthiness. Through carving a masculine projection in the psyche a woman can remedy the father protection and trustworthiness.

The remedy starts by summoning our protection and trustworthiness to the forefront to view any feelings of being unsafe, un-provided for or distrustful of ourselves, others and the universe. When we view our male partnerships from this view we begin to notice how our need for protection and trustworthiness are not met and how they mirror the father’s protective and trustworthy nature towards us and our mother. For example, my father did not have much discernment and allowed other people to belittle him. I had a male partner who had the same psyche of protection. My father wanted the energy to follow through on goals but never did. I had a male partner who had the same psyche of trustworthiness.

Bringing neutrality to reprogramming the father is shaping what brings protection and trustworthiness to our femininity so as women we can surrender our masculinity to the male partner and unfold our feminine boldly because our protection and trustworthiness is met. Many women do not feel protected or trustworthy of their own intuition and others. By shaping the life of the 5-10 years of age in our adult psyche through amplifying the sensations that make us feel most protected and trustworthy we can magnetize a husband within the father image that shapes our own masculinity to be an ally. We reshape the father into ally, which is neutral (not good or bad) and husband into ally. When a husband is an ally to a woman he is her shelter and she is his muse

Overall, shaping the masculinity of the woman is reshaping father into an alley. When father is an ally our view is neutral (not good or bad). We understand male partners as a view into what protection and trustworthiness means to our masculinity. Male partners evolve when we value protection and trustworthiness as a shelter for our feminine nature to be a muse. Then, male partners have a template for how they can be protective and trustworthy to receive deeper intimacy with us. And, those who do not wish to respect this template will not have a footing in our lives because we know male must be an ally.