Self Worth!!!
Self Worth
By
Ivy Integration
We get to learn our self worth in relationships.
Relationships give us an opportunity to evaluate the amount of sabotage and
breakthrough we have in our self worth. For example, unfulfilling relationships
reveal that we carry sabotage in our self worth. For example, loving
relationships reveal that we have breakthrough in our self worth. Sabotage in a
relationship is dwelling in a relationship. Dwelling implies no
movement, growth or evolution. It is impotent or seeming stagnate. Breakthrough
is the opposite. It is lively, growing leaps and bounds and supports our flight.
We cannot escape the self worth given
to us by the childhood. It decides how we care for ourselves. If the parents
have low self worth we are bound to repeat similar patterns until we evaluate
and reinvent ourselves. A relationship is to provide extra support to our house
called the self. A relationship is NOT to be our support. The person we love is
not the framework to our house. Our self worth is the foundation to our house.
A relationship is simply additional support. For example, in tribal times when
a woman gives birth the whole tribe comes to support. The woman is more than
capable of giving birth with her and her mother/grandmother. The extra support
provides more energy. Where there is more energy there is greater chance of
breakthrough. A relationship is energy and never a dwelling. Co-dependency isn’t
fuel to our balance. It is a temporary sensation of balance that always comes
down like a house made of hay. Energy isn’t latching to each other for balance.
Energy is like the collaboration between the sun, Earth and moon. The sun is
whole, the Earth is whole and the moon is whole. Each of them have their own
space to be what is natural for them to be, interaction to inspire the other and rhythm to keep each other harmonic.
We all yearn for a relationship that fits our high self worth like the sun and Earth fit each other very well.
The sabotage and breakthrough in our relationships is the path to higher
elevation of self worth. No one wants to dwell in a relationship that seems
impotent or stale. We want to orbit each other like the sun, Earth and moon because this harmonic rhythm brings life and we want LIFE, energy to create and elevate. We want our relationships to be lively,
which gives us fresher and fresher growth rather than a dwelling that is slowly
settling into stagnation. The sabotage is low self worth. Breakthrough is high
self worth and we get to discover both in a relationship. The more sabotage we
have the less enthusiasm and play there is a relationship and more confusion, dilemma
and misunderstanding. The more breakthrough we have the less “trying to make it
work,” dishonesty and fakeness and more jazz/wit, playfulness and willingness
to grow through honesty. We have to decide what relationship we want with
ourselves first before we can be real in a relationship.
The mother creates the sabotage and
breakthrough for the son and the father for the daughter. A man views a woman
through the lenses of the mother relationship as a child. A woman views a man through
the lenses of the father relationship as a child. If the mother has low self
worth and dwelled most of her life a man’s view of a woman is more sabotaging than
breakthrough. He doesn’t think highly of women because his mother didn’t move
herself into a higher altitude of self worth. A man thinks what is possible for
him in intimate relationship from the mother. For example, if the mother used the son to
help her pay bills as a boy what is possible as a man is a transactional
relationship or relationship that is based solely on money/security. For example, if the mother is every adventurous, a public speaker, a man’s view of a
relationship with woman is active, energetic and forward.
The same applies to women in relationship with men. For
example, the father dwelled in resentment towards his ex wife. What is possible
for a woman is a man who has inability to let go of past wounds. For example,
the father controlled his little girl and never gave her freedom to find her
own way. What is possible for a woman is a man who clings to her and needs her
to fit his image. Self psychology is vast but women view men through the lenses
of the father relationship as a child and men through the lenses of the mother relationship
as a child. If you are a woman looking to date a man learn about the mother.
Learn the mother’s self worth. Is there more
sabotage or breakthrough in her life? A woman can learn what is possible
for “this man” in relationship with her. Also, a man wanting to date a woman
should learn the father to see what is possible for her in a relationship with
him.
In learning the psyche of the mother, a woman can learn the
relationship “he” has with women and the same for men and a woman’s father. It
is no secret sabotage in a relationship. The lower the self worth the more
relationship dilemma, confusion and misunderstanding there is leading to
disharmony. Sabotage shows up as a very immature person, a person who cannot
speak up, express his/her feelings, jump in and out of relationships and
overall, drama that is dissatisfying in the way it leads nowhere but back to the
same root sabotage, which is very unfulfilling. Recognizing the sabotage in a
person we want to be with, we gain knowledge on what relationship they are participating
in, sabotage or breakthrough. Breakthrough shows up as a very mature person, a
person who communicates, wants to learn, grow and understand, honest and available.
This person is in touch with their creativity, spirituality and security and is
seeking harmony not drama. Drama is exhausting because the relationship is very
stagnate. Fire of creativity or heated discussion is motion that moves the
relationship into new areas of exploration. This is the difference between exhausting
drama and heated discussion.
When we are working through, as a woman, our relationship
with the father and the root self worth we have we are expanding our possibility
in a relationship. We are reinventing the lenses on what a relationship is by finding
our wholeness within. Wholeness is taking the childhood imbalance between
mother and father and reparenting our possibility to overcome sabotage and
breakthrough low self worth. This is a practice of taking care of the self.
When we take care of the self in ways maybe the parents did not we are
elevating the altitude of self worth. By following our joy, leading our joy and
overcoming the negativity to embrace our joy we are healing generations of
stale relationships.
By becoming our own father and mother within we are giving
ourselves a chance to decide for ourselves what is possible for a relationship.
No longer are we looking through the lenses of the parents subconsciously. We are
overriding the parent relationship as a child with our sovereignty, which is leading
our joy. This isn’t easy because sabotage is heavy on most people. Sabotage is
dense and makes our relationships dense. Breakthrough is light, lively and
movement. In a relationship we are working on both. But, it requires participation
in self worth from both people for a relationship to overcome sabotage and breakthrough
into a more playful and harmonic union. Participation in self worth is a person
who is open, willing and able to be true to themselves. A person who is not a participate in self worth is closed, unwilling and unable to listen, care and
share themselves honestly and, therefore, there is no self worth improvement in
the relationship only the same sabotage and same level of breakthrough. No one
wants to deal with the same sabotage and same level of breakthrough in a
relationship for years on years. Relationship is relating to the ship or course
of life. We want to be on a journey not in a dwelling.